Spooner's Patch

Daily mundanities and a vanload of drunken Scotsmen conspire to keep Spooner from watching a key football match.

Taking a thrashing from Bulsover during a self-defence lesson that he foolishly instigated, Spooner starts fiddling with a pair of hand cuffs...

Bulsover finds a locked briefcase whilst cleaning out a squad car. They find out it's full of jewellery, but who does it belong to?

Spooner is seduced by the bright lights of showbiz when a producer asks for his help in the making of a new film.

Spooner meets his match when a young boy turns up at the police station on his mother's orders.

Mrs Cantaford tries to curtail Spooner's despotic activities by running for councillor on a 'get rid of filth' ticket.

Extreme bordedom drives everyone to distraction and forces Spooner to fear for Bulsover's sanity.

Spooner indulges in some naughty frolics with the wife of a convicted criminal, not realising that he's due for imminent release.

Mrs Cantaford persecution of an unfortunate motorist drives him over the edge – almost literally – when he threatens to throw himself off a roof.

Mrs. Cantaford drops Spooner's crew in the deep end when she carelessly confides their lunchtime drinking habits to the Chief Superintendent.

Under protest, Bulsover is made to drag up as a decoy to catch a flasher in the act.

Ordering up an Adonis Invisiwig to make himself look more suave soon gives Spooner cause for regret.

Spooner is appalled at the apparent effeminacy in his subordinates when he discovers that both Bulsover and Killick wear nail varnish.

Spooner isn't amused when the inscription 'Spooner's Pigsty' is daubed on the noticeboard; or when Constable Bulsover drives straight into his superior's car.

Spooner emerges from his flat above the station, still in his dressing gown and suffering a hangover with accompanying memory loss.

Bribery and corruption? Spooner and Goatman make a stout denial when the golf trolleys they trundle into the station prove to be full of wine, groceries and other goodies.

Spooner's great ambition is to win the golf club championship and the presentation clock that goes with it. In spite of cheating, he fails, but a surprise awaits him at the station.

Nothing goes right for Spooner on the day he is to play golf with the club president — from trouble with pensioners to being badly chauffeured by Bulsover.

The Mayor, one of Spooner's few admirers, asks him to keep an eye on his house while he is away. Greta, the au pair, is certainly worth keeping an eye on...