Better Off Ted

Veridian Dynamics tries matchmaking employees based on their genetic compatibility in hopes of saving on health insurance bills from imperfectly bred children. Ted and Linda balk at this until they meet their supposed matches -- Greg for Linda and Danielle for Ted -- and are instantly attracted despite themselves. Meanwhile, after Veronica finds out Lem is her perfect genetic match, she hounds him to make a donation to a sperm bank

When a wave of layoff hits Veridian and little Rose seems to have inside info because of a friend in her Hive playgroup, Veronica tries to pump her for information, much to Ted's disapproval. Meanwhile, Linda is elated to sell her first children's book -- until someone points out that her lead character, a lemur, is the spitting image of Phil -- and Lem starts a passionate affair with one of the company lawyers, only to find out that his paycheck is being docked for the "billable hours" he's spending with his new girlfriend.

Lem flips out when his mother, a brilliant scientist who has always intimidated him, comes to visit and begins an affair with Dr. Bhamba. Meanwhile, Ted gets miffed when Linda suddenly gets all the credit after she makes a suggestion to improve on his prize project, a light bulb that burns forever.

When Veronica's sexy magician boyfriend Mordor comes to town and she starts slacking off at work big time, Ted tries to interfere in her love life to get her back on track. Meanwhile, Lem is perplexed when he is mysteriously given a bright red lab coat while everyone else has plain white ones... Is someone at Veridian trying to tell him something?

When a misunderstanding leads oddball Sheila to falsely accuse both Ted and Linda of sexual harassment, Veronica comes up with a solution to avoid having them punished. She convinces Veridian to classify sexual harassment as a disease so anyone accused of it can't be held responsible. But when the employees get wind of the new rule, things start to get a little crazy in the office.

After an employee literally drops dead in the midst of Veridian's big push to finish a major project -- a machine that ironically will get people to sleep -- Veronica tries to use the incident as inspiration to make the staff work even harder.

Ted struggles with an overly talkative security guard who worships him and wants to be his best friend. Meanwhile, a terrified Phil and Lem face the prospect of working alone with Veronica for the first time.

When a typo in a memo about inappropriate behavior at Veridian Dynamics orders employees to now engage in offensive language, Ted tries to convince the company to correct the error, but not before the insults start flying. Meanwhile, Veronica is afraid, and guilty. If the company can make such a stupid mistake, can it be that her own promotion is the result of a typo on a memo meant for W. Palmer and not V. Palmer?

Ted insists on taking the high road after his nemesis at work comes up with almost the exact same project that Ted's team has been working on. But Veronica will stop at nothing to get the upper hand, enlisting Linda and even little Rose's help in sabotaging the rival project

Ted romances a beautiful German executive who can't speak a word of English. It doesn't matter Veridian is developing a translation device for her company, enabling the two to communicate. The problem is, the voice of the device is Phil's, which ruins the mood for Ted.

Ted helps his fast talking brother, Billy, get a job selling lab equipment for one of Veridian's biggest suppliers, but no good deed goes unpunished, as Billy proceeds to sell Veridian more equipment than they could ever use and corrupts Phil and Lem in the process. Meanwhile, a charity for girls that Veridian supports gives Veronica an award, but when she and Linda learn that the company actually gives very little of the money it raises to the charity, they set out to make things right.

Veronica is suspicious that Ted might be using his daughter to bond with the boss in an effort to advance his career. Meanwhile, Phil and Lem tentatively start a friendship with Linda.

Phil and Lem embark on a quest to gain respect around the office, Veronica goes on a reluctant treasure hunt inside the Veridian building, and Ted has to confront rumors of staff favoritism.

Ted Crisp works at Veridian Technologies in the research and development department and loves his job. However, Ted is taken aback when he learns the company has cryogenically frozen one of the scientists in his department.

Due to Phil's after effects from the cryogenic experiment, Ted tries to get him to sign a waiver to protect Veridian from possible future litigation. Elsewhere, Phil and Lem try to create beef despite having no meat in the lab.

When Ted's nanny calls in sick, he is forced to take his daughter Rose to work where Veronica bonds with her. Meanwhile, Ted learns where he stands with Linda when her ex-boyfriend arrives in town.

Ted discovers Veridian has a problem when their new motion detection system proves unable to recognize black people.

Linda is given an experimental drug that has some unusual side effects.

Ted inadvertently deletes himself from Veridian's system when he tries to fix his employee ID, and, as the lab falls into chaos, his peers try to remedy the situation.

After a survey reveals that the staff is unhappy, Veronica tries to improve their morale.

Lem and Phil reluctantly invite Ted to their Medieval Fight Club. Linda tries to befriend Veronica.

When Veronica, Linda, and Ted end up having to share offices, tensions grow between them.

Veridian blames Linda for a perfume with unexpected side effects, and friends fall out when they're forced to testify.

A shocking piece of news impacts the rivalry between Veronica and her father, who is the CEO of another big company. Elsewhere, Ted thinks Phil and Lem's potential cure for baldness will impress his hard-to-please dad.

Ted creates a phony project for Linda after she hears that Veridian is going green, which becomes problematic when other staffers want to join the cause.

The team learns a shocking secret about Veronica when an invention goes awry. Meanwhile, Linda tries to set up Ted with another woman.